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An-Nawawi on kindness to parents and family

May 12, 2014

Riyad us Saliheen Sincere Counsel

By Abu Amina Elias for FaithinAllah.org

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

An-Nawawi records in his book Riyad us-Saliheen:

Allah the Exalted said:

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and be kind to parents.

Surah An-Nisa 4:36

And Allah said:

وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ

Fear Allah through whom you ask one another and establish family ties.

Surah An-Nisa 4:1

And Allah said:

وَالَّذِينَ يَصِلُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيَخْشَوْنَ رَبَّهُمْ وَيَخَافُونَ سُوءَ الْحِسَابِ

They are those who join what Allah has commanded to be joined and they revere their Lord and fear an evil account.

Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:21

And Allah said:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا

We have enjoined upon man goodness to his parents.

Surah Al-Ankabut 29:8

And Allah said:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and be good to your parents. Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, do not say to them even a mild rebuke and do not repel them but rather speak to them a noble word.  Lower for them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.

Surah Al-Isra 17:23-24

And Allah said:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

We have enjoined upon man care for his parents. His mother carried him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents, for to Me is the final destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but rather accompany them in this world with kindness and follow the way of those who turn to Me in repentance. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

Surah Luqman 31:14-15

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: I asked, “O Messenger of Allah, which deed is best?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

الصَّلَاةُ عَلَى مِيقَاتِهَا

Prayer in its proper time.

I asked, “What is next?” The Prophet said:

بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ

Righteousness with your parents.

I said, “What is next?” The Prophet said:

الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ

Struggling in the cause of Allah.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 2630, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

لَا يَجْزِي وَلَدٌ وَالِدًا إِلَّا أَنْ يَجِدَهُ مَمْلُوكًا فَيَشْتَرِيَهُ فَيُعْتِقَهُ

No child can compensate his father unless he finds him as a slave, buys him, and sets him free.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2787, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَلَقَ الْخَلْقَ حَتَّى إِذَا فَرَغَ مِنْهُمْ قَامَتْ الرَّحِمُ فَقَالَتْ هَذَا مَقَامُ الْعَائِذِ مِنْ الْقَطِيعَةِ قَالَ نَعَمْ أَمَا تَرْضَيْنَ أَنْ أَصِلَ مَنْ وَصَلَكِ وَأَقْطَعَ مَنْ قَطَعَكِ قَالَتْ بَلَى قَالَ فَذَاكِ لَكِ

Verily, Allah made the creation and when he finished, the womb said: At this place, I seek refuge in you from those who sever me. Allah said: Are you not pleased that I keep good relations with those who are good to you and I will cut off whoever severs relations with you? The womb said: Yes, my Lord. Allah said: Then it is for you.

Then the Prophet said:

اقْرَءُوا إِنْ شِئْتُمْ فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِنْ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَنْ تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوا أَرْحَامَكُمْ

Recite the verse if you wish: Will you then, if you were given authority, spread corruption in the land and sever your family ties? (47:22)

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5641, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abu Huraira reported: A man asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said:

أُمُّكَ

Your mother.

The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said:

أُمُّكَ

Your mother.

The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said:

أُمُّكَ

Your mother.

The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said:

أَبُوكَ

Your father.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5626, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ

He is disgraced! Again, he is disgraced! Again, he is disgraced!

It was said, “Who is disgraced, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet said:

مَنْ أَدْرَكَ أَبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكِبَرِ أَحَدَهُمَا أَوْ كِلَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ يَدْخُلْ الْجَنَّةَ

The one who sees his parents grow old, one or both of them, and he does not enter Paradise through them.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2551, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to relate but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they treat me badly. I am forbearing with them, but they are harsh with me.” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلاَ يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللَّهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ ‏

If it is as you say, then it is as if you threw hot ashes at them. There will always remain with you support from Allah that will keep you prominent over them as long as you adhere to this behavior.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2558, Grade: Sahih

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

مَنْ سَرَّهُ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ أَوْ يُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ

Whoever is pleased to have his provision expanded and his life span extended, then he should keep good relations with his family.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 1961, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: A man came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, asking permission to strive in jihad. The Prophet said:

أَحَيٌّ وَالِدَاكَ

Are your parents alive?

He said yes. The Prophet said:

فَفِيهِمَا فَجَاهِدْ

Then strive in their service.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 2842, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

In another narration, the Prophet said:

فَارْجِعْ إِلَى وَالِدَيْكَ فَأَحْسِنْ صُحْبَتَهُمَا

Return to your parents and treat them with good company.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2549, Grade: Sahih

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

لَيْسَ الْوَاصِلُ بِالْمُكَافِئِ وَلَكِنْ الْوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قُطِعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا

The one who keep good relations with his family is not the one who recompenses the good done to him. Rather, the one who keeps good relations with his family is the one who continues to be good to them despite having been cut off by them.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5645, Grade: Sahih

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

الرَّحِمُ مُعَلَّقَةٌ بِالْعَرْشِ تَقُولُ مَنْ وَصَلَنِي وَصَلَهُ اللَّهُ وَمَنْ قَطَعَنِي قَطَعَهُ اللَّهُ

The bond of kinship is suspended from the Throne and it says: Whoever upholds me then Allah will uphold him, and whoever severs me then Allah will sever him.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5643, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Asma bint Abu Bakr reported: My mother was an idolater and she came to me during the peace treaty with the Quraish. I asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, “O Messenger of Allah, my mother has come to me and she is hoping for kind treatment. Should I treat her well?” The Prophet said:

نَعَمْ صِلِي أُمَّكِ ‏‏

Yes, treat your mother well.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 2477, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abdullah ibn Abbas reported: Abu Sufyan said that Heraclius had sent for him and he said, “What did Muhammad order you to do?” Abu Sufyan said:

يَأْمُرُنَا بِالصَّلَاةِ وَالصَّدَقَةِ وَالْعَفَافِ وَالصِّلَةِ

He orders us to perform prayers, to give charity, to be chaste, and to keep good relations with our families.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5635, Grade: Sahih

Amr ibn Al-‘As reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, saying publicly and not secretly:

إِنَّ آلَ أَبِي لَيْسُوا بِأَوْلِيَائِي إِنَّمَا وَلِيِّيَ اللَّهُ وَصَالِحُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَلَكِنْ لَهُمْ رَحِمٌ أَبُلُّهَا بِبَلَاهَا يَعْنِي أَصِلُهَا بِصِلَتِهَا

Verily, the relatives of my father are not my allies. Verily, Allah and the righteous believers are my only allies. Yet, they have the bonds of kinship and I will uphold their family ties.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 5644, Grade: Sahih

Abu Ayyub reported: A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “Tell me about a deed I can do to be admitted into Paradise and kept away from the Hellfire.” The Prophet said:

تَعْبُدُ اللَّهَ لَا تُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئًا وَتُقِيمُ الصَّلَاةَ وَتُؤْتِي الزَّكَاةَ وَتَصِلُ ذَا رَحِمِكَ

Worship Allah and do not associate anything with him, establish prayer, give in charity, and keep relations with your family.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 1332, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Salman ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ الصَّدَقَةَ عَلَى الْمِسْكِينِ صَدَقَةٌ وَعَلَى ذِي الرَّحِمِ اثْنَتَانِ صَدَقَةٌ وَصِلَةٌ

Verily, alms given to the poor is charity. Whatever is given to family members is worth two rewards, one as charity and another as good relations.

Source: Sunan An-Nasa’i 2582, Grade: Sahih

Abu Ad-Darda reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ فَأَضِعْ ذَلِكَ الْبَابَ أَوْ احْفَظْهُ

The parent is the best of the gates of Paradise, so keep to this gate or lose it.

Source: Sunan Ibn Majah 3663, Grade: Sahih

Al-Bara ibn Azib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

الْخَالَةُ بِمَنْزِلَةِ الْأُمِّ

The maternal aunt has the same status as the mother.

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1904, Grade: Sahih

Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.